Suicidal

Let us talk about that one subject everyone dreads, the subject that people only talk about when it’s absolutely necessary. The subject we will hide from at all costs. If you’re African, I’m not writing about sex, my parents read my blog and I still live under their roof  and they bought me the data I am using plus the laptop so no, I’m not going to write about it. I want to talk about that one thing probably you discuss with your psychologist during psychotherapy, let’s talk about suicide. What is suicide? Is it selfish? Should we judge suicidal people? I am about to offer you insight to my thoughts on this very sensitive issue. As I grab my painkillers (only the Lord knows where I placed them), turn the music on and listen to Coldplay, I love that band. I honestly think they are fantastic. Fix you especially.

Suicide, such a heavy word to utter and it takes a very heavy heart to think about it as a solution. It is the act of taking one’s own life, intentionally, that is. Most people tend to overdose on meds but it’s not the most decent way to go, most meds shut down your systems one by one and that’s not something you would like to go through or hanging yourself aka affixiation, this is probably one of the most painful ways to go, oh well. Most people say suicide is selfish, in my personal opinion, I don’t think it is… I know it isn’t but in your head you’re like he/she is/was only thinking about themselves and you are supporting their diabolical acts? For some absurd reason, every suicidal person imagines the world would be slightly better off without them (frankly, the world would be way better without the homophobic, islamophobic, racists and Donald Trump). You think of your pain, the things that you’ve gone through and the things you think you are putting other people through and you think you aren’t worth it, you feel worthless, you feel life isn’t worth living and you think suicide is the only answer. But I want to tell you suicide is not answer, if you’ve been thinking of suicide of late, you think it’s the only thing that makes sense, stop, I don’t know you and maybe you don’t know me but I’m here to tell you that you are worth it and you’ll tell me that I don’t understand what you’re going through which is probably true but I’m here to tell you suicide is not the answer.

You are caught up in the negativity, you are caught up in the awful things going on in your life and you wish you could change all that, you wish you could end the agony, pain and suffering and you think suicide is your answer, then you are wrong. Life, such an intricate thing, I don’t fully fathom it and I don’t think I will but here’s the thing we don’t have control over the past. What has happened, has happened. Things happen and the best thing to do is learn from it and don’t quit. If you’re battling suicidal thoughts, I would like to tell you that you are a warrior and you should keep on fighting, don’t end your life. I know you’ll tell me it would be so much better for everyone if you died but you’re wrong.

You will tell me the sun will still rise and set, the earth will rotate, the stars will still shine at night and that the flowers will still bloom. But I’d like you to take a minute to think of your mum, dad, best friend, boy friend/ girl friend, deskmate, workmate think of everyone you interact with daily. Think of the dreams you’ve had since you were seven.Do you think it will be the same? You think school will feel the same without you? You think your dad will not miss yelling at you to get off your phone and socialize? You think your best friend won’t miss the shirt he/she hated the most? Who will achieve these crazy ambitious dreams you have? If you are a religious fellow, I will tell you there’s a reason God put you on earth. I don’t judge or blame you for feeling hopeless but don’t do this, yeah? You’re amazing, intelligent, handsome/beautiful and you are worth it. If you’re feeling suicidal PLEASE GET HELP. 

Project Fmile, a project with a vision, with a vision to make Kenya a happy Kenya, with a dream to spread awareness on mental health and suicide. 7128 people committed suicide in 2016, these were lives lost, dreams lost and we would like to prevent this. Feeling suicidal? DM us @fmileofficial on Instagram and Twitter. The WhatsApp number is coming soon. I am here for you too, so DM me on my instagram page @iamabiero

Let’s get to 0 suicides.

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Done

Wassgood? My name is Kayla Muturi. I find it interesting how one is able to judge and hate on you from what they see on social media, humans fascinate me, I should do psychology in university. I’m a seventeen year old in year twelve living in Nairobi, Kenya and I’m about to tell you the story of my life or rather how it fell apart.
I come from an upper middle class family. I live with my dad and step mum. My mum died when I was ten years old, cancer took the woman I love the most. Sometimes I can hear her voice, I can feel her hug me when I’m scared. My dad is rarely at home, the last time I talked to him he was in Washington D.C. for a conference, he is a businessman. He runs a pharmaceutical company, my dad and I are really close. We videocall all the time. My step mum is a drama queen, she makes the biggest deal out of nothing but she’s really funny and cares for me. She’s pregnant , so she gets quite hormonal so for now I avoid her like plague. I have a ten year old brother, Jayden. This boy makes me so happy, he is a daredevil, he once put a lizard in his teacher’s bag because she didn’t leave class when the bell rang.I would do anything to protect him. He never knew our mum, he was only two years when she died. Ahh, sorrows of the world.
I was the A student in class who had everything going for her. I was the chairlady of the Model United Nations Club, I was the Health Captain in school,I won awards in Mathematics and Chemistry contests and I had an amazing social life. Any event that was happening trust me you’d see me there, basically I was the life of the party. Well,being one of the proclaimed “Nairobi Cool Kids” I had to have an amazing boyfriend, every cool kid has a boyfriend. This is the problem of peer pressure I wasn’t ready to have a boyfriend but everyone expected me to have one. His name was Nigel, he was in year thirteen, he was the school captain, he was smart and really kind. He was really handsome, he had this curly hair which he kept as a mohawk. He dyed the tips brown, he had shiny, caramel eyes and was light skinned and really tall. His smile could thaw Antarctica. His body was jaw dropping. We hang out a lot, almost every weekend after I was from the library.
My best friend was Khadija, she was my polar opposite. She was quite laid back, she didn’t like parties. She was beautiful alright and really smart. She had a voluptuous body basically what we call body goals. She had an amazing personality too.
I have always had an addiction to social media, Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. I have a following of about 15k on Instagram, I would use this following to market events at a rate of course. I would also use to talk about issues I found important like pre-marital sex, LGBT and mental health and I did occasional podcasts. Life was amazing, till everything came tumbling down on me.
Nigel and I broke up, we had been having fights. I was hurt and two weeks later he was dating one of my friends, Ashley. This girl had a lot of nerve you know and so did Nigel. Our breakup was the talk of the school. “Nigela broke up. “ Nigela was our ship name, I loved it when we were together. Student government meetings were really awkward cause I had to listen to whatever he had to say. He used these meetings to deduce me to nothing. He would insult me, he would criticize the health and fitness department of the student government. I hated him for this, he had issues with me not my work. Things escalated to a whole other level when he started rumours I was a whore and I slept around. Photos of me smoking vape surfaced online, it was one stupid mistake. I mean don’t we all screw up? I just wanted to try out smoking and that was it. He said I had slept around and I hadn’t been faithful to him. Hate pages were started on Instagram, really hurtful messages were written. They never listened to my side of the story. I lost all my friends apart from Khadija, it was hard alright. I tried acting like nothing was happening but something was.
“You stupid whore, do all of us a favour and die, stop acting like you’re royalty.”
“Kayla Muturi is such a fake, get a life.”
“Nigel what did you see @Kaylamuturzzz? Lol, she’d better not show up in school “
Hate comments,hate pages. This was cyber bullying, people who barely knew me said really nasty things about me.
One day after school, I was finishing up my Computer assignment when Jade, a boy in Nigel’s class came to my class and came up to me. It was peculiar, I never talked to this boy and he was walking towards me, the next thing I knew he had pinned me against a wall and he whispered “Since you like it with everyone”. I was screaming my lungs out, I kicked him and ran. Hot tears streamed down my face. Why? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Life was not worth living. I was hyperventilating, I was so hysterical all I knew is that I had to run away from Jade. I saw Khadija with the principal, Madam Wafula , they stopped me and asked what the matter was. Should I say the truth? Heck, what do I have to lose right now? My reputation was ruined. I expected Madam Wafula to judge and start with her quotes from the Bible but she didn’t, she hugged me and reassured me everything would be fine. My stepmom came for me, I told her what had been happening. She advised I stay home for some few days. I was self harming, the same way I had been doing since this turmoil had began. The next day we went to see a psychiatrist. Clinical depression he said. Psychotherapy and antidepressants he advised.
Every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday I had psychotherapy. It helped, it really did. The rumours still went on, shockingly Jade was suspended but Nigel was spared since “there was no proof.”
Here’s what sucks about cyber bullying, you are rarely ably to do anything about your cyber bully. All you can do is find a coping mechanism. Stay strong love, don’t let them define you.C22071B0-5C8B-456A-B9A6-B4DE11ECF603

How are you?

Hello, how are you? Have you ever thought of the importance of the question “how are you?” Most of the times we ask this question because we’re being courteous but some people ask this question because they care. This question has so much gravity to it, it has so much significance to it. So let me ask you again, how are you? Are you really fine? Are you honestly okay? Or will your fears haunt you at 3am? Are you really happy? Or do you wear the fake smile the whole day then cry your heart out when alone? What’s hurting you? What monsters live in your head? Is it bipolar or anxiety or is it schizophrenia or ADHD? You tell me,I wouldn’t know but I ask because I care. I fear my monsters , they torment me, they torture me and leave me feeling empty and vulnerable and all I want after that is love , to be told everything will be alright but all I get is that “This is witchcraft”, I get awkward stares, I get judged, I get bullied so maybe I’m not okay.
How are you? Today I’m great , I’m great because I see the beauty in everything. I’m great because I saw another day, I’m great because I let go of all the things that hurt me including what you said about me the other week. Have you ever put into consideration how much your mental health matters? Have you ever realized the importance on mental health awareness? You might think it’s only important for those living with mental disorders but I beg to differ, your mental health matters as much as your physical health. You might not be having a cold but you’re stressed out ,that’s a source of concern the same way you care for your physical health care that much for your mental health. I hope you’ll be okay.
Your mental health matters.
-Abiero Michelle-

 

Goodbye 2017

tumblr_oitep7tzIl1sjnayuo1_500.gifHello folks, how are you? I am still trying to digest the fact that 2017 is practically over. I am still in shock I guess. This year was an interesting year for me, it was a blend of bad and good experiences. 2017 was the year I had been waiting for because 2016 for me was crap, it was the devil’s composition. Sometimes I feel it was some sort of punishment for everything wrong I have done on earth. 2017 promised new beginnings, it reminded me of the song Paradise by Coldplay.

I joined a new school in January, I only knew about ten people in this school. For starters, it was my first time in high school and boarding school. Here I was trying to juggle all these new subjects, Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Geography etc. and I was also trying to get used to the new environment, mind you this school is in a different climatic region from my home town. I was also trying to get used to the food, let’s face it in some way I am a Barbie, I don’t like bread and that was what was served every morning. I felt the tea was pathetic, no really it was like it was over diluted milk with little sugar and too much tea leaves. The first two weeks I wasn’t eating most of the school meals. I had to make new friends and that was where the challenge I was. I gave off the impression of a nerd or a snob. I was away from my family and this was very difficult because they are my pillar of support. Mostly I would wait till classes were over to call home and it helped me keep my sanity. My health wasn’t so great so I needed to go to the school sanitarium and it was mentally exhausting. I will say this without fear of contradiction, the healthcare at the school was pathetic and I had to keep up with insults being hurled at me by nurses and doctors and they call themselves professionals, I choose not to reveal the names because I don’t stoop that low, I have standards. By the end of this year I have made a fair share of enemies and I will not call them haters because they aren’t worthy of that title. I really can’t waste my energy elaborating further on them. These are just nincompoops who I met who have the IQ of a fish who strive to make my life unbearable. Darling, that isn’t happening, you just can’t come and rain on my parade.

There are a few lessons I have learnt from 2017.

  1. Life is fair 

I know I sound deluded but life is fair in the sense that it is unfair to all of us. There will come a time in life where things are going south and you feel like giving up but don’t. Soldier on, don’t lose hope or focus. You were destined for something great. Believe me all the things that you are going through shall come to pass. This brings me to my second lesson

 

2. Things happen for a reason

Most of my life I haven’t been a religious person so relax I won’t quote The Quran or Bible. My mum used to tell me things happen for a reason and I never believed her. The things that happen in our lives shape us in one way or the other. All the things I have gone through in all these fifteen years have made me who I am and I wouldn’t want to change anything about my past. Cheers to the good and bad things, that’s what makes you.

3. People change and grow apart

 

There are people I have known since I was in diapers. I kid you not, I have known them since nursery and we have been close since then but these days I feel like we can’t have a conversation and that is because people change and grow apart. There is this boy who I have known since I was in nursery and we are in the same high school but we only talk about where the exams are reaching. People change and grow apart then we become strangers with the same memories, it is part of life.

 

4. Surround yourself with positivity

I remember I had these moments where I felt like I had hit rock bottom but I had people who were there for me like every day and if you are reading this, thank you. There are some in particular I would want to appreciate so much but they don’t like publicity. When things are difficult you need positive friends who will be there for you.

5.Value yourself

I cannot stress enough on how important this is. Always know you are amazing and you stand for something don’t compromise this for anyone or anything. Know your worth.

6.Hard work

In everything you do, put your best foot forward. Work like you’ve never worked before and you will see success my love. As you succeed remember to be humble because we don’t know what life has in store for us

7.Don’t fear change

Change is inevitable. It is scary, depressing but it doesn’t mean it is bad. Don’t fear change. It is part of life, monotony is boring.

8.Stand up in what you believe in

We live in a world where most of us try to go with the flow and fit in and at one point I did this and I felt so empty. Stand up for what you believe in, even if people try to bring you down. It doesn’t matter one day it will be worth it.

9.Don’t take everything to heart.

In this world there is always going to be that person who won’t like you and there will be a person you don’t like. Sometimes you’ll hear crude comments about yourself but don’t let it weigh you down. Negativity is too heavy for the soul. Darling, breathe in, breath out and smile. Keep your heart light

10.Be thankful and be happy  

Life is just an intricate thing but whatever comes your way be thankful. Trust me, it could have been worse. Life is short, don’t waste your days crying. Be happy, you are still breathing.

These are ten lessons I have learnt from 2017 and I am glad I am growing as a person. Feel free to share what you have learnt from 2017 in the comment section. Happy New Year. I won’t lie to you that 2018 is your year because I don’t know what it has in store for us. Bye for now.

November: Feminism, epilepsy awareness and rape.

I can barely believe the year is about to end. We are finally in December, the year I had been waiting for is coming to an end. This is the month most of us are going to write crazy resolutions that we aren’t going to achieve and I can’t wait for that because I like laughing at the fact someone thinks they can transform into a completely polar opposite person of who they are. I am a bit sadistic in nature, I won’t lie. One of the most intense months has come to an end, November was a very interesting month for me. I interacted with new people and they taught me new things. Either way that wasn’t the highlight of my November, there are a few things that I would like to talk about.
November was epilepsy awareness month. Epilepsy is one of the most misunderstood neurological disorders well apart from autism. I think people who battle epilepsy are warriors. Dealing with ignorant pricks everyday can be cumbersome, sadly as society we still have medieval believes like epilepsy is a psychiatric disorder, which is contagious and made them to feel like outcasts. It is impeccable how they are able most of them are able to withstand these misconceptions. Without fear of contradiction I believe the media has contributed to the spread of these misconceptions. The ignorance could be termed as an epidemic. Let us get the facts right, epilepsy is a neurological disorder which is characterized by abnormal electrical activity in the brain. Depending on which lobe of the brain it begins in will determine the symptoms and no, not everyone jerks. Seizures differ from person to person. 50 million people in the world   live with epilepsy, they matter. Let us spread awareness, this project Chronically Beautiful. Check out my previous post for more https://michabiero.wordpress.com/2017/11/20/chronically-beautiful/

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Always keep intellectual friends in your life and one of my very intellectual friends, Serena Apollo, who happens to be my best friend challenged me on what feminism is with her one of her posts  http://apollosereena.wordpress.com/2017/11/22/89/   Feminist, a person who believes in social, political and economic equality of the genders.Nowadays feminists are this busy bodies who are a bunch of testosterone-hating women. They hate anything and everything that walks in a trouser and calls itself a man. They have the guts to compare themselves to Eleanor Roosevelt (I really do admire her). Feminism used to be about fighting for equal treatment for the sexes and fighting for the rights of women but then we have the new era of nincompoops calling themselves feminists hell-bent on convincing us on their misguided ideologies on feminism. The whole idea of being feminist is not about hating men and degrading them. It is not about women fighting to be the better gender and this is where we got it all wrong.

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The other issue I would like to talk about rape, it is genuinely such a subtle topic. First of all, no one asks to get raped. It is so disgusting how we as society blame the victims of rape. Of late, cases of rape are becoming prevalent. It is heart wrenching to here victims of rape talk about their ordeal. I honestly feel so pathetic after hearing these stories. There is one in particular that annoyed me and made me feel really horrid, a class seven child who is fifteen was gang-raped as if that is not enough she knows the perpetrators. I could only imagine how wrecked she felt. She went to a certain hospital and they refused to treat her because she did not have 30 shillings. Do not be fooled, the Kenyan shilling cannot be compared to the pound or dollar that would be joke. That was 0.3 USD. I do not know who could be this inhumane. Which takes me to the fact that no means no, sex is something consensual if one party says no it means no. I do not care whether the person said no while blushing or dangling their feet it still means no. I do not care whether I was naked, no means no and it’s high time we understood this. It is not only females are affected but also males. Rape is one of the worst things you could ever to do to a human being.

Thank you for reading this, please share it with your friends if you liked it. Let us have a conversation in the comment section below.

The journey to self discovery

IMG_5092.JPGHello folks, how are you? Have you ever asked yourself who you are and what you stand for? And if so what were your answers and did you like them? I asked myself these questions when I was fourteen years old and I didn’t have the answers to them so I set out on the journey to self discovery. Then I asked myself how do I find something that I never knew existed in the first place? How do I find my identity? How can I stand out in a world with seven billion people? To come think of it, I was looking at it in the wrong perspective. Discovering yourself is not about standing out from everyone else. It’s about knowing who you are and where you are heading to, your strengths and weaknesses and appreciating yourself for this. It is realising who you are.It reached a point where I didn’t know myself and I felt so lost. So for sometime I took a break from literally everything, from blogging to YouTube to friends. There was no reason to keep up a public facade and I didn’t even know who I am.It was initially hard but I got used to it. I asked myself what do I want in life? Where am I heading to? What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What do I want to achieve in life and why? Why do I blog ? Why do I read this much in school? Why do I want to do medicine? What are my moral values and why do I believe in them? These were hard really hard questions for me to answer and genuinely for anyone to answer but once you answer these questions then you are on the right path. I looked back at my past, the good and the bad. The things I felt that had destroyed me, the people I was angry at, it was hard to recall all these things. I questioned everything I had ever encountered in my life. They say birds born in a cage think flying is an illness. It was time to get out of this cage and fly.This is probably the most beautiful thing that will ever happen to you. I questioned a lot of things and when I started finding the answers things fell in place. You will realise you don’t need certain people in your life because all they bring is negativity, you will realise your strengths and weaknesses and make them work for you, you will appreciate yourself and you will find peace. This is the journey of self discovery.

#TheUncagedSpirit

Chronically beautiful

IMG_4889.JPGHello, my name is James Murwa most of my friends call me Jamie, I am your average nineteen year old just going through things above average.
I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I have had everything in life, I have always been a ladies guy, I am intelligent and I was nicknamed Einstein. My dad is a cardiologist and my mum is a lawyer. My dad and mum were always there for us despite the fact that their jobs were demanding. They have always worked hard to ensure I get the best, from education to healthcare.I only have one sibling, my sister, Katie. She’s the apple of my eye, she’s beautiful alright, dripping melanin, she has really beautiful eyes and her voice is so soothing. She’s my world, I would do anything to protect her, she’s only twelve. Life was perfect I tell you, my sister and I never understood the meaning of “lack”. It was something that never existed in our vocabulary. We had family holidays to Mauritius, Dubai in UAE, UK, Australia I had practically travelled the whole world and I was always interested in aeroplanes and my dream was to be a pilot. My life was planed out, I had to read and pass my A levels then go to an aviation school. Life seemed all easy, a bad day for me meant that my Emperio Armani watch didn’t look good with my Calvin Klein shirt.
Things came crashing all at once, like a house with a bad foundation. My life was turned upside down. It was on 24th May, 2014 at around nine in the morning when it all happened. I was in a psychology class presenting a project. I was meticulous when it came to my academics but on that day my voice was quivering I was no longer exuding confidence. The room started getting dim, then I passed out. The next thing I knew I was in the emergency room at The Aga Khan University Hospital, Nairobi. I honestly did not understand what had happened to me. I saw saline flowing through the IV line. This was the beginning of my nightmare, this was the devil’s composition alright. The doctor thought it would be better if I were admitted in hospital as they run some tests. As we waited for the admission process to begin (it’s usually a long wait), I felt funny. Funny in the sense where I was having hallucinations, I saw things that weren’t there. I felt raw fear engulfing me then I felt my muscles contract and relax. It was like a turbulence but the pilot doesn’t have control of the aircraft. When it happened I felt every moment, I felt the twitch of the muscles, the lack of breath, the pain in the muscles, it felt like my head is being knocked against the wall. I kid you not.I felt excruciating pain, I felt the jerks as they come and all I can do is hope they stop. I never imagined that I would be seated in a neurologist’s office but I was there listening to him, what he said was gibberish to me. He recommended an MRI, he was also recommended an EEG (electroencephalogram) and some other tests I don’t recall. I feared the results, the MRI was perfect but the EEG was gut wrenching, abnormal electrical activity they say, they call it epilepsy. For all those ignorant buffoons, epilepsy is not jerking or convulsions, it is abnormal electrical activity in the brain resulting to a seizure. I was started off on medication, Epilim, this drug is a monster.
My decade long dream of being a pilot was crushed within minutes. I have dealt with stigmatization and bullying. I lost most of my friends, very few people talked to me. My best friend even said I was mad and he wishes I die. I have received really nasty comments. I have battled depression and I get tired of dealing with ignorant people. Have you ever been told congratulations for not going to hospital this month? Do people ever realise the impact of this statements? I have heard all sorts of statements, from epilepsy is witchcraft to I fake my condition. I feel like I no longer have a quality life, I’m just living because I’m still breathing. I can’t be too happy, I can’t leave the house alone. I live in constant fear of a seizure. Having a seizure is like being told the engines of a plane have failed and the hydraulics aren’t working so you wait to crush. I no longer swim, that was my life. I quit aviation club and now I am in Science club, I figured if I still want to work in the aviation industry I’ll do something like aeronautical engineering and be an inflight engineer. It’s cumbersome and hurts sometimes but I’m a warrior. IMG_4890.JPG
This is project Chronically Beautiful it has been started with the aim of spreading epilepsy awareness. In Kenya, it is estimated about 800,000 people live with epilepsy. It is time we fight the stigmatisation and ignorance. Join me in spreading awareness on epilepsy, please post a photo or change your profile picture to any photo that supports epilepsy awareness and tell all your friends. In Kenya we have the National Epilepsy Coordination Committee whose aim is to spread awareness on epilepsy,please visit their website for information http://www.epilepsykenya.com. For more information on epilepsy you could read about seizures on Epilepsy Foundation at http://www.epilepsy.com

 

Why do we do it ?

tumblr_m4g99v4KwI1rwvrl8o1_500I get tired of hearing these words “cause society says this”. I keep on questioning myself on who society is, because I genuinely do not think it’s some person seated next to Satan passing judgements to people. Society is us, the people and sadly most of us do things for the sake of society which is sad, in your head you’re always thinking what will they say. Please tell me how that is taking you, personally I can’t live such a life. Let me ask you why are you reading this? Is it because you received an email and it tells you Mich Abiero posted something or because I am your friend and you feel compelled to do read my blog. What I find sad is that life is purely monotonous for many. I dread such a type of lifestyle. You see, I strive to live an extraordinary life something that will be remembered for eons. Why you may ask? I want to inspire somebody, be someone’s mentor and be that person someone says I want to grow up and become like them.
Let me ask you a really simple question why do you do what you do? Why do you read? Why do you eat? Why do you wake up early? Why do you go to work everyday? What I really find beautiful about life is that we have the power to engineer it how we want it to go, you have the design and you create it. I tend to have this habit of questioning everything I do, what is my motivation to do it? Why do I need to do it? Once you have those answers, trust me nothing will stop you from achieving what you set your mind to. If I told you of all my ambitions, you’d say I’m delusional. Stop worrying about society, because you only live once and you don’t really want to live with regrets. Don’t do anything to please people, the most important thing is to be happy with yourself then the rest can come. Do it for yourself, do it for your sake. As you start today ask yourself why I do need to do this and if your answer satisfies you, you’re heading in the right path.
Thank you for reading this, have a lovely week.

Sonnet 002: Michelle Abiero

Thank you so much for this. It just my day. Aboge is one of the best bloggers I know and is one of my best friends

Your Name is Your Shield

Michy AbieroMichelle Abiero

From a village in Kano, Kisumu
Emerges a beauty, Michelle Abiero
In church was our friendship debut
From F’Mile to ALA, she’s a hero
Her beauty will never ever decay
Her two front teeth wonderfully apart
Marriage would cost me many a bouquet
Ears not mere decorations, well alert
Maya Angelou could describe you well
‘Phenomenal woman’, though you a girl
Your Luo figure casts a confusing spell
Kenyan Mafisi gets thrown in a swirl
Shakespeare would ask you a better query
Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?

©David Johnson Aboge

michabiero.wordpress.com

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When he said he loved me

Hello folks, I find the idea of a human life growing inside of me interesting. I wonder whether its pulse has the rhythm as mine, whether it is able to feel the change in my moods. It is all intricate. I saunter round my room reminiscing the events of this monstrous year, 2012. My name is Abigail Waithaka, I am sixteen and I am pregnant.

I am about to tell you how my life got flipped upside down. I was your typical nerd, in form 2, living the life. I was assiduous, I dug into my books and sought help from teachers whenever I had problems in understanding anything or when I came across a problem I could not solve. I wasn’t a social butterfly, the only time people talked to me was during exam period. I was the Albert Einstein in Physics, the Marie Curie in Chemistry, the Charles Darwin if Biology, the William Shakespeare of English Literature. You get it? I was that student who considered an A minus a fail in a difficult Computer theory paper. I was a school prefect, I was popular in school. I was revered because of the awards I had won in academics, debate and the conferences I had attended. Everyone knew I was destined for success.

There is one thing very few people knew about me I was insecure, I wasn’t beautiful as the others. I was skinny, I wore braces and glasses. Some girls in my class called me ‘Ugly Betty’ but I wasn’t surprised, they had done worse. Some of the cruel atrocities they had been committed had to be seen to be believed. They were nothing but monsters. The only thing that made them human was their DNA (which I highly doubt if they know what it is) apart from that there was no difference between them and beasts. Words hurt that’s what many don’t realize. I wasn’t confident about myself.

One day, I was at the library studying when Martin, a form four, came to talk to me. This boy was not one of the people you would fail to notice. He stood out with his height and caramel complexion and tough looks exuding good health and a little full of action. He had hazel eyes and this thick British accent. He was popular alright, every girl liked him. He was intelligent and sporty, mostly swimming he was my motivation to see swimming galas He came and sat next to me. This seemed so surreal, he even knew my name. In my head, I knew he probably be familiar with those attending the Mathematics contest since he was also attending but that wasn’t the case. He said we should become good friends. We became so close, he told me I was beautiful, I was amazing. I was on cloud nine. Then in July he asked me to be his girlfriend. This was infatuation but he said it was love. He said he loved me. I was turning 16 in August, he took me on a date, and it was amazing. He invited me to his place. It seems his folks swam in money, he held my hands tightly and looked me in the eye and said “You know I love you”. I felt an electric current run down to my stomach and into my hands. It was dark. That night I lost something to him, my flower, something I will never get back. He said he loved me that was enough.

I missed my period for two months, I was worried and I told my mother. I was vomiting, maybe typhoid. I was also weak. I went to hospital. The doctor says, “Abigail you are pregnant.” I blinked rapidly to get rid of the tears. A fat tear freed itself from the pool that had gathered in my eyes. It dropped down on my thumb then rolled on a handkerchief I was twitching nervously. My mother was dumbstruck so was my dad. I told Martin and he was shocked, he said I should abort the kid, that we both had promising futures we can’t let a child screw that up. When he said he loved me, it was a lie.

The truth, such a bitter pill to swallow. I am no longer in school and my pregnancy is becoming more noticeable. This wasn’t in the plan, I was to go to Yale and do forensic pathology. I feel horrendous and guilt. I gave him all I had and what did he give me? A child…. Classic.I can’t blame this innocent baby. Next time when he says he loves you be wiser.  Image result for teenage pregnancy tumblr