Goodbye 2017

tumblr_oitep7tzIl1sjnayuo1_500.gifHello folks, how are you? I am still trying to digest the fact that 2017 is practically over. I am still in shock I guess. This year was an interesting year for me, it was a blend of bad and good experiences. 2017 was the year I had been waiting for because 2016 for me was crap, it was the devil’s composition. Sometimes I feel it was some sort of punishment for everything wrong I have done on earth. 2017 promised new beginnings, it reminded me of the song Paradise by Coldplay.

I joined a new school in January, I only knew about ten people in this school. For starters, it was my first time in high school and boarding school. Here I was trying to juggle all these new subjects, Biology, Chemistry, Physics, Geography etc. and I was also trying to get used to the new environment, mind you this school is in a different climatic region from my home town. I was also trying to get used to the food, let’s face it in some way I am a Barbie, I don’t like bread and that was what was served every morning. I felt the tea was pathetic, no really it was like it was over diluted milk with little sugar and too much tea leaves. The first two weeks I wasn’t eating most of the school meals. I had to make new friends and that was where the challenge I was. I gave off the impression of a nerd or a snob. I was away from my family and this was very difficult because they are my pillar of support. Mostly I would wait till classes were over to call home and it helped me keep my sanity. My health wasn’t so great so I needed to go to the school sanitarium and it was mentally exhausting. I will say this without fear of contradiction, the healthcare at the school was pathetic and I had to keep up with insults being hurled at me by nurses and doctors and they call themselves professionals, I choose not to reveal the names because I don’t stoop that low, I have standards. By the end of this year I have made a fair share of enemies and I will not call them haters because they aren’t worthy of that title. I really can’t waste my energy elaborating further on them. These are just nincompoops who I met who have the IQ of a fish who strive to make my life unbearable. Darling, that isn’t happening, you just can’t come and rain on my parade.

There are a few lessons I have learnt from 2017.

  1. Life is fair 

I know I sound deluded but life is fair in the sense that it is unfair to all of us. There will come a time in life where things are going south and you feel like giving up but don’t. Soldier on, don’t lose hope or focus. You were destined for something great. Believe me all the things that you are going through shall come to pass. This brings me to my second lesson

 

2. Things happen for a reason

Most of my life I haven’t been a religious person so relax I won’t quote The Quran or Bible. My mum used to tell me things happen for a reason and I never believed her. The things that happen in our lives shape us in one way or the other. All the things I have gone through in all these fifteen years have made me who I am and I wouldn’t want to change anything about my past. Cheers to the good and bad things, that’s what makes you.

3. People change and grow apart

 

There are people I have known since I was in diapers. I kid you not, I have known them since nursery and we have been close since then but these days I feel like we can’t have a conversation and that is because people change and grow apart. There is this boy who I have known since I was in nursery and we are in the same high school but we only talk about where the exams are reaching. People change and grow apart then we become strangers with the same memories, it is part of life.

 

4. Surround yourself with positivity

I remember I had these moments where I felt like I had hit rock bottom but I had people who were there for me like every day and if you are reading this, thank you. There are some in particular I would want to appreciate so much but they don’t like publicity. When things are difficult you need positive friends who will be there for you.

5.Value yourself

I cannot stress enough on how important this is. Always know you are amazing and you stand for something don’t compromise this for anyone or anything. Know your worth.

6.Hard work

In everything you do, put your best foot forward. Work like you’ve never worked before and you will see success my love. As you succeed remember to be humble because we don’t know what life has in store for us

7.Don’t fear change

Change is inevitable. It is scary, depressing but it doesn’t mean it is bad. Don’t fear change. It is part of life, monotony is boring.

8.Stand up in what you believe in

We live in a world where most of us try to go with the flow and fit in and at one point I did this and I felt so empty. Stand up for what you believe in, even if people try to bring you down. It doesn’t matter one day it will be worth it.

9.Don’t take everything to heart.

In this world there is always going to be that person who won’t like you and there will be a person you don’t like. Sometimes you’ll hear crude comments about yourself but don’t let it weigh you down. Negativity is too heavy for the soul. Darling, breathe in, breath out and smile. Keep your heart light

10.Be thankful and be happy  

Life is just an intricate thing but whatever comes your way be thankful. Trust me, it could have been worse. Life is short, don’t waste your days crying. Be happy, you are still breathing.

These are ten lessons I have learnt from 2017 and I am glad I am growing as a person. Feel free to share what you have learnt from 2017 in the comment section. Happy New Year. I won’t lie to you that 2018 is your year because I don’t know what it has in store for us. Bye for now.

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November: Feminism, epilepsy awareness and rape.

I can barely believe the year is about to end. We are finally in December, the year I had been waiting for is coming to an end. This is the month most of us are going to write crazy resolutions that we aren’t going to achieve and I can’t wait for that because I like laughing at the fact someone thinks they can transform into a completely polar opposite person of who they are. I am a bit sadistic in nature, I won’t lie. One of the most intense months has come to an end, November was a very interesting month for me. I interacted with new people and they taught me new things. Either way that wasn’t the highlight of my November, there are a few things that I would like to talk about.
November was epilepsy awareness month. Epilepsy is one of the most misunderstood neurological disorders well apart from autism. I think people who battle epilepsy are warriors. Dealing with ignorant pricks everyday can be cumbersome, sadly as society we still have medieval believes like epilepsy is a psychiatric disorder, which is contagious and made them to feel like outcasts. It is impeccable how they are able most of them are able to withstand these misconceptions. Without fear of contradiction I believe the media has contributed to the spread of these misconceptions. The ignorance could be termed as an epidemic. Let us get the facts right, epilepsy is a neurological disorder which is characterized by abnormal electrical activity in the brain. Depending on which lobe of the brain it begins in will determine the symptoms and no, not everyone jerks. Seizures differ from person to person. 50 million people in the world   live with epilepsy, they matter. Let us spread awareness, this project Chronically Beautiful. Check out my previous post for more https://michabiero.wordpress.com/2017/11/20/chronically-beautiful/

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Always keep intellectual friends in your life and one of my very intellectual friends, Serena Apollo, who happens to be my best friend challenged me on what feminism is with her one of her posts http://apollosereena.wordpress.com/2017/11/22/89/  . Feminism is not about walking around naked and feel it is okay. Nowadays feminists are this busy bodies who are a bunch of testosterone-hating women. They hate anything and everything that walks in a trouser and calls itself a man. They deem it fine to walk around in skimpy clothing and I am not judging women on the basis of what they wear. They have the guts to compare themselves to Eleanor Roosevelt (I really do admire her). Feminism used to be about fighting for equal treatment for the sexes and fighting for the rights of women but then we have the new era of nincompoops calling themselves feminists hell-bent on convincing us on their misguided ideologies on feminism. The whole idea of being feminist is not about hating men and degrading them and it is not about sexualizing everything about a woman. There is more to a woman than her body, it is what that is in your head that matters. As per now I cannot be associated with a bunch of deluded women, I prefer the term women rights activist.

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The other issue I would like to talk about rape, it is genuinely such a subtle topic. Of late, cases of rape are becoming prevalent. It is heart wrenching to here victims of rape talk about their ordeal. I honestly feel so pathetic after hearing these stories. There is one in particular that annoyed me and made me feel really horrid, a class seven child who is fifteen was gang-raped as if that is not enough she knows the perpetrators. I could only imagine how wrecked she felt. She went to a certain hospital and they refused to treat her because she did not have 30 shillings. Do not be fooled, the Kenyan shilling cannot be compared to the pound or dollar that would be joke. That was 0.3 USD. I do not know who could be this inhumane. Which takes me to the fact that no means no, sex is something consensual if one party says no it means no. I do not care whether the person said no while blushing or dangling their feet it still means no. It is not only females are affected but also males. Rape is one of the worst things you could ever to do to a human being.

Thank you for reading this, please share it with your friends if you liked it. Let us have a conversation in the comment section below.

The journey to self discovery

IMG_5092.JPGHello folks, how are you? Have you ever asked yourself who you are and what you stand for? And if so what were your answers and did you like them? I asked myself these questions when I was fourteen years old and I didn’t have the answers to them so I set out on the journey to self discovery. Then I asked myself how do I find something that I never knew existed in the first place? How do I find my identity? How can I stand out in a world with seven billion people? To come think of it, I was looking at it in the wrong perspective. Discovering yourself is not about standing out from everyone else. It’s about knowing who you are and where you are heading to, your strengths and weaknesses and appreciating yourself for this. It is realising who you are.It reached a point where I didn’t know myself and I felt so lost. So for sometime I took a break from literally everything, from blogging to YouTube to friends. There was no reason to keep up a public facade and I didn’t even know who I am.It was initially hard but I got used to it. I asked myself what do I want in life? Where am I heading to? What are my strengths? What are my weaknesses? What do I want to achieve in life and why? Why do I blog ? Why do I read this much in school? Why do I want to do medicine? What are my moral values and why do I believe in them? These were hard really hard questions for me to answer and genuinely for anyone to answer but once you answer these questions then you are on the right path. I looked back at my past, the good and the bad. The things I felt that had destroyed me, the people I was angry at, it was hard to recall all these things. I questioned everything I had ever encountered in my life. They say birds born in a cage think flying is an illness. It was time to get out of this cage and fly.This is probably the most beautiful thing that will ever happen to you. I questioned a lot of things and when I started finding the answers things fell in place. You will realise you don’t need certain people in your life because all they bring is negativity, you will realise your strengths and weaknesses and make them work for you, you will appreciate yourself and you will find peace. This is the journey of self discovery.

#TheUncagedSpirit

Chronically beautiful

IMG_4889.JPGHello, my name is James Murwa most of my friends call me Jamie, I am your average nineteen year old just going through things above average.
I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I have had everything in life, I have always been a ladies guy, I am intelligent and I was nicknamed Einstein. My dad is a cardiologist and my mum is a lawyer. My dad and mum were always there for us despite the fact that their jobs were demanding. They have always worked hard to ensure I get the best, from education to healthcare.I only have one sibling, my sister, Katie. She’s the apple of my eye, she’s beautiful alright, dripping melanin, she has really beautiful eyes and her voice is so soothing. She’s my world, I would do anything to protect her, she’s only twelve. Life was perfect I tell you, my sister and I never understood the meaning of “lack”. It was something that never existed in our vocabulary. We had family holidays to Mauritius, Dubai in UAE, UK, Australia I had practically travelled the whole world and I was always interested in aeroplanes and my dream was to be a pilot. My life was planed out, I had to read and pass my A levels then go to an aviation school. Life seemed all easy, a bad day for me meant that my Emperio Armani watch didn’t look good with my Calvin Klein shirt.
Things came crashing all at once, like a house with a bad foundation. My life was turned upside down. It was on 24th May, 2014 at around nine in the morning when it all happened. I was in a psychology class presenting a project. I was meticulous when it came to my academics but on that day my voice was quivering I was no longer exuding confidence. The room started getting dim, then I passed out. The next thing I knew I was in the emergency room at The Aga Khan University Hospital, Nairobi. I honestly did not understand what had happened to me. I saw saline flowing through the IV line. This was the beginning of my nightmare, this was the devil’s composition alright. The doctor thought it would be better if I were admitted in hospital as they run some tests. As we waited for the admission process to begin (it’s usually a long wait), I felt funny. Funny in the sense where I was having hallucinations, I saw things that weren’t there. I felt raw fear engulfing me then I felt my muscles contract and relax. It was like a turbulence but the pilot doesn’t have control of the aircraft. When it happened I felt every moment, I felt the twitch of the muscles, the lack of breath, the pain in the muscles, it felt like my head is being knocked against the wall. I kid you not.I felt excruciating pain, I felt the jerks as they come and all I can do is hope they stop. I never imagined that I would be seated in a neurologist’s office but I was there listening to him, what he said was gibberish to me. He recommended an MRI, he was also recommended an EEG (electroencephalogram) and some other tests I don’t recall. I feared the results, the MRI was perfect but the EEG was gut wrenching, abnormal electrical activity they say, they call it epilepsy. For all those ignorant buffoons, epilepsy is not jerking or convulsions, it is abnormal electrical activity in the brain resulting to a seizure. I was started off on medication, Epilim, this drug is a monster.
My decade long dream of being a pilot was crushed within minutes. I have dealt with stigmatization and bullying. I lost most of my friends, very few people talked to me. My best friend even said I was mad and he wishes I die. I have received really nasty comments. I have battled depression and I get tired of dealing with ignorant people. Have you ever been told congratulations for not going to hospital this month? Do people ever realise the impact of this statements? I have heard all sorts of statements, from epilepsy is witchcraft to I fake my condition. I feel like I no longer have a quality life, I’m just living because I’m still breathing. I can’t be too happy, I can’t leave the house alone. I live in constant fear of a seizure. Having a seizure is like being told the engines of a plane have failed and the hydraulics aren’t working so you wait to crush. I no longer swim, that was my life. I quit aviation club and now I am in Science club, I figured if I still want to work in the aviation industry I’ll do something like aeronautical engineering and be an inflight engineer. It’s cumbersome and hurts sometimes but I’m a warrior. IMG_4890.JPG
This is project Chronically Beautiful it has been started with the aim of spreading epilepsy awareness. In Kenya, it is estimated about 800,000 people live with epilepsy. It is time we fight the stigmatisation and ignorance. Join me in spreading awareness on epilepsy, please post a photo or change your profile picture to any photo that supports epilepsy awareness and tell all your friends. In Kenya we have the National Epilepsy Coordination Committee whose aim is to spread awareness on epilepsy,please visit their website for information http://www.epilepsykenya.com. For more information on epilepsy you could read about seizures on Epilepsy Foundation at http://www.epilepsy.com

 

Why do we do it ?

tumblr_m4g99v4KwI1rwvrl8o1_500I get tired of hearing these words “cause society says this”. I keep on questioning myself on who society is, because I genuinely do not think it’s some person seated next to Satan passing judgements to people. Society is us, the people and sadly most of us do things for the sake of society which is sad, in your head you’re always thinking what will they say. Please tell me how that is taking you, personally I can’t live such a life. Let me ask you why are you reading this? Is it because you received an email and it tells you Mich Abiero posted something or because I am your friend and you feel compelled to do read my blog. What I find sad is that life is purely monotonous for many. I dread such a type of lifestyle. You see, I strive to live an extraordinary life something that will be remembered for eons. Why you may ask? I want to inspire somebody, be someone’s mentor and be that person someone says I want to grow up and become like them.
Let me ask you a really simple question why do you do what you do? Why do you read? Why do you eat? Why do you wake up early? Why do you go to work everyday? What I really find beautiful about life is that we have the power to engineer it how we want it to go, you have the design and you create it. I tend to have this habit of questioning everything I do, what is my motivation to do it? Why do I need to do it? Once you have those answers, trust me nothing will stop you from achieving what you set your mind to. If I told you of all my ambitions, you’d say I’m delusional. Stop worrying about society, because you only live once and you don’t really want to live with regrets. Don’t do anything to please people, the most important thing is to be happy with yourself then the rest can come. Do it for yourself, do it for your sake. As you start today ask yourself why I do need to do this and if your answer satisfies you, you’re heading in the right path.
Thank you for reading this, have a lovely week.

Sonnet 002: Michelle Abiero

Thank you so much for this. It just my day. Aboge is one of the best bloggers I know and is one of my best friends

Your Name is Your Shield

Michy AbieroMichelle Abiero

From a village in Kano, Kisumu
Emerges a beauty, Michelle Abiero
In church was our friendship debut
From F’Mile to ALA, she’s a hero
Her beauty will never ever decay
Her two front teeth wonderfully apart
Marriage would cost me many a bouquet
Ears not mere decorations, well alert
Maya Angelou could describe you well
‘Phenomenal woman’, though you a girl
Your Luo figure casts a confusing spell
Kenyan Mafisi gets thrown in a swirl
Shakespeare would ask you a better query
Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?

©David Johnson Aboge

michabiero.wordpress.com

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When he said he loved me

Hello folks, I find the idea of a human life growing inside of me interesting. I wonder whether its pulse has the rhythm as mine, whether it is able to feel the change in my moods. It is all intricate. I saunter round my room reminiscing the events of this monstrous year, 2012. My name is Abigail Waithaka, I am sixteen and I am pregnant.

I am about to tell you how my life got flipped upside down. I was your typical nerd, in form 2, living the life. I was assiduous, I dug into my books and sought help from teachers whenever I had problems in understanding anything or when I came across a problem I could not solve. I wasn’t a social butterfly, the only time people talked to me was during exam period. I was the Albert Einstein in Physics, the Marie Curie in Chemistry, the Charles Darwin if Biology, the William Shakespeare of English Literature. You get it? I was that student who considered an A minus a fail in a difficult Computer theory paper. I was a school prefect, I was popular in school. I was revered because of the awards I had won in academics, debate and the conferences I had attended. Everyone knew I was destined for success.

There is one thing very few people knew about me I was insecure, I wasn’t beautiful as the others. I was skinny, I wore braces and glasses. Some girls in my class called me ‘Ugly Betty’ but I wasn’t surprised, they had done worse. Some of the cruel atrocities they had been committed had to be seen to be believed. They were nothing but monsters. The only thing that made them human was their DNA (which I highly doubt if they know what it is) apart from that there was no difference between them and beasts. Words hurt that’s what many don’t realize. I wasn’t confident about myself.

One day, I was at the library studying when Martin, a form four, came to talk to me. This boy was not one of the people you would fail to notice. He stood out with his height and caramel complexion and tough looks exuding good health and a little full of action. He had hazel eyes and this thick British accent. He was popular alright, every girl liked him. He was intelligent and sporty, mostly swimming he was my motivation to see swimming galas He came and sat next to me. This seemed so surreal, he even knew my name. In my head, I knew he probably be familiar with those attending the Mathematics contest since he was also attending but that wasn’t the case. He said we should become good friends. We became so close, he told me I was beautiful, I was amazing. I was on cloud nine. Then in July he asked me to be his girlfriend. This was infatuation but he said it was love. He said he loved me. I was turning 16 in August, he took me on a date, and it was amazing. He invited me to his place. It seems his folks swam in money, he held my hands tightly and looked me in the eye and said “You know I love you”. I felt an electric current run down to my stomach and into my hands. It was dark. That night I lost something to him, my flower, something I will never get back. He said he loved me that was enough.

I missed my period for two months, I was worried and I told my mother. I was vomiting, maybe typhoid. I was also weak. I went to hospital. The doctor says, “Abigail you are pregnant.” I blinked rapidly to get rid of the tears. A fat tear freed itself from the pool that had gathered in my eyes. It dropped down on my thumb then rolled on a handkerchief I was twitching nervously. My mother was dumbstruck so was my dad. I told Martin and he was shocked, he said I should abort the kid, that we both had promising futures we can’t let a child screw that up. When he said he loved me, it was a lie.

The truth, such a bitter pill to swallow. I am no longer in school and my pregnancy is becoming more noticeable. This wasn’t in the plan, I was to go to Yale and do forensic pathology. I feel horrendous and guilt. I gave him all I had and what did he give me? A child…. Classic.I can’t blame this innocent baby. Next time when he says he loves you be wiser.  Image result for teenage pregnancy tumblr

 

Broken

I write this in coast, I am at Sarova Whitesands. I have a vantage point of the Indian Ocean. There is some charm in Mombasa I cannot fathom. The ocean is blue and clear something about it takes me back to my childhood, I think it is because I remember my Geography teacher talking about rising and falling of sea tides as an effect of rotation. I forgot to introduce myself, I am Dr. Khalid Barasa. I am twenty three years old. I just graduated from the University of Nairobi with a Bachelor of Science in Medicine.
My friends think my life is awesome. I think its cause I have money, ladies and looks. I am partly Arabic, I work out everyday to keep my body in tone. I don’t find my value in materialistic things, if that’s where your happiness comes from it’s repulsive, you don’t have inner happiness. Being a doctor is cumbersome and frantic, I really do like my job I have always believed in the sanctity of human life and preserving it is a huge honor but the journey to being a doctor was worse. Let me take you to my childhood. I wasn’t brought up in your typical household. I grew up with an alcoholic mum and an adulterous and dead beat dad. I have a younger sister, Kiran, she is seventeen, she is my world and I always do my best to protect her from harm’s way. She is heaven-sent, she is hardworking and unlike her peers she isn’t trying to be famous by practicing uncouth behavior on social media, she is in a leadership academy in South Africa. It is her hard work that took her there.
From age eight, I have seen my parents barking insults at each other. My dad was constantly cheating on my mum, the only woman he was never seen with my mum. We lived in Buruburu but the life we lived one might have easily thought we lived in the slums. My dad used every penny he got to treat his women with lavish gifts and exclusive trips but he couldn’t pay my school fees. I had to transfer from my former primary school which could have been mistaken for an international school to a public primary school, the school was great I can’t complain much.
Things got tougher, we lived on a shoe string budget. The little mum got from her kiosk business is what paid the electrical and water bills, put food on the table and paid our mortgage. We are all human, it was just a matter of time before she lost it. She turned to alcohol, it ‘helped’ her drown her sorrows of poverty and not being a good enough mother. We all had to adapt to all this I feared most for Kiran. She was nothing but a child. She was born in a place full of violence. I would constantly hear wails from my parents’ bedroom. Domestic violence. Alcoholism. Adultery. A broken family. I did everything I could to protect Kiran to ensure we wouldn’t turn out like them. That was my life, my dad left home when I was fourteen. I passed in KCPE and got a scholarship to go to high school. This school was for the rich kids so I did their assignments and laundry at a fee to ensure Kiran wouldn’t suffer. I became a school prefect, but I wasn’t happy. I had stellar grades and by form four I had reached my breaking point. I was tired of life. What was there to live for? I did my KCSE and got a mean of A-. By this time we were living in Kibra, I was tired. I was hopeless and desolate. I turned to weed for six months and that one time Kiran saw me smoking, she cried and asked me “I thought we were not to be like them.” I eventually stopped. Through Allah’s grace I got a scholarship the university to study medicine.
This is how I am here, I fought depression and I won. It might sound impossible but I am here enjoying the cool breeze in Mombasa on holiday.

Depression is real, last year in Kenya 7128 people committed suicide , this year’s estimate is 9000 people. Join Fmile to reduce these numbers. It’s ‘No more fake smiles campaign’ all you have to do is post a photo of you not smiling on Instagram or Facebook write something you feel can help someone battling depression with the hashtag #nomorefakesmiles on Instagram and tag us @fmileofficial. Like our page on Facebook @Fmile help someone get help. 7128 is more than a number. These are families and people. Let’s fight depression

No more

My name is Riley- Grace. I am seventeen  years old.  .I am your ordinary teen just living an extraordinary life. This is the story of my life.

 I was born to a filthy rich family, my dad is an ambassador, an interesting fact is that he is Australian and my mom is a doctor,she is Kenyan. I love my parents so much, the thing is with them I’ve never had the urge to rebel, they are like the two extreme ends of a spectrum and it brings a strike of balance at home. I have two brothers, Austin is eighteen he’s always been the intelligent one in family, he has always been scoring straight As. He’s an extrovert and there is no time his mouth is ever shut. We are extremely close. I think it’s cause we’ve been there for each other. This fall he’s joining University of Sheffield to study software engineering. To be honest, I’ve always hated computer science I took it up to IGCSE level and I got an A. My other brother is Samuel, he is twenty three. He has always been the voice of reason in the family, calm, composed and collected. He’s rarely in Kenya that’s because he’s a commercial pilot for Emirates. I honestly do not know where he is at the moment, the last time I talked to him was three days ago and he was in Thailand. I have a tight knit family, we’re always there for each other. I’ve always been a daddy’s girl that’s why I desire to be a diplomat, maybe work for World Health Organization. I’m actually sitting for my A- levels this year . I cannot wait to finish high school.

 I am the school captain. I do have leadership skills, I think I was chosen because I do well in academics and I’m a human rights activist. Passing exams isn’t that hard, all you have to do is read. All I am saying is that you need to prioritize your activities, that’s why I don’t go out on school nights. Plus I’m not an extrovert. I am mostly with my best friend, Njoki, she’s really pretty. Her hair flows behind her back like a river in an exotic forest. She’s not too light or too dark, her complexion is titrated through a chemical formula unknown to man. Her beauty is like outer space beauty – never seen on earth. She has a vivacious figure, she was blessed. God must have created her on a Sunday afternoon after receiving His praises. She’s really funny and is such a great listener. She’s told me time and again life would be boring without me, I don’t believe her. I cannot forget, my better half, Matteo, he looks like a Calvin Klein model I know that makes me sound superficial but I’m not. I have known him pretty much my whole life and we’ve been through a lot from the time his parents divorced to when I lost my closest cousin to leukemia. He’s learnt to love my flaws and my perfections. Everyone says I have the life but really I don’t.

I have rheumatoid arthritis,it’s an autoimmune disease. It’s been difficult but I’m still standing. My bones hurt as hell, they occasionally swell but I have to live with that.I rarely discuss my health. I have my pediatrician to do that every two weeks. I have to take drugs daily that’s difficult you know. I’m a YouTuber, I have a large following on Instagram 30,000 to be precise. It comes at a price. I get hate mail a lot of times. I have hate pages

” Riley is TOO THIN”

Riley is UGLY,  being biracial doesn’t make you pretty”

“Riley is such a BRAT,  so what if your dad is a diplomat?”

“Riley’s hair looks like a  BIRD’S NEST”

“Riley should just DIE”

 People talk about things they don’t know about. In school, I hear the comments people make about me when I am walking in the hallway. It hurts a lot. I started self harm, my wrists have scars, I would overdose on painkillers, I never sought help so one day I cut my wrists so deep aiming at the veins, the pain was excruciating. I never wanted to feel anything ever again. Today is my funeral, my dad is in tears I see pain in his eyes. Mum is hurt, she says a prayer. Dad holds her against his chest. Austin and Sameul are fighting back their tears and pain. Matteo is wearing the infinity bracelet I gave to him, he gazes at it, he cries uncontrollably. On his lock screen is a photo we took on my 17th birthday. Njoki looks like she’s about to die, she scrolls through her gallery and our conversations, streams of tears cascade down her cheeks. I’ve been dressed in white and everyone is in white to symbolize peace. Austin goes into the house to listen to Fix you by Coldplay. He breaks down, it was my favorite song. I performed it at a concert last year. I am sorry


Depression is real, last year in Kenya 7128 people committed suicide , this year’s estimate is 9000 people. Join Fmile to reduce these numbers. It’s ‘No more fake smiles campaign’ all you have to do is post a photo of you not smiling on Instagram or Facebook write something you feel can help someone battling depression with the hashtag #nomorefakesmiles on Instagram and tag us @fmileofficial. Like our page on Facebook @Fmile help someone get help. 7128 is more than a number. These are families and people. Let’s fight depression 

Dying slowly

Am I fine? Of course I am,

The hours I cried were nine,

I no longer want to dine,

Do you know how it feels to die slowly but painfully?

To be alive yet dead inside,

Slowly I die,

I should give up,

But I am almost through with the final lap,

Like an aphid you sucked the sap,

To this date,

I still wonder,

How you broke me and continued with life,

What you were to me was a lyse,

I sleep really late,

In bed awake wondering if this is my fate,

The past still haunts,

It still daunts,

I never healed,

You never gave me the opportunity to,

You spoke a lot of things,

It affected me,

These days I go for counseling,

These days I go for psychotherapy,

These days I take anti-depressants,

You never knew?

You never really knew?

You called me the worst of names,

And you expect me to feel the same?

What was your aim?

Now I am dying slowly,

If it was your aim, you achieved it,

Your insults were lit,

In bed I sit,

My wrists I slit,

I throw a fit,

I break down,

I have a frown,

What is the point of living?

I am dying slowly,

I wish nothing but this for you,

The pain,

So that it cam drive you insane,

So that you can feel these emotions,

So that you can go into depression,

So that you can know how it feels to be dying slowly.