Tell me how it feels

I am scared; scared I will fail,

Scared I will lose sail,

I use to know I am intelligent,

And quite magnificent,

I do not want go back there,

I will cut myself; it is not a dare,

Fear is my hugest share,

You did this to me,

Tell me how it feels,

Or at least give me the remedy to heal,

And I’ll also teach my mouth to have a seal,

These feelings I try to conceal,

It is not a big deal,

I mean no confidence,

I no longer have my sense,

I am always so tense,

Surrounded by a fence,

You broke me!

You shattered me!

You destroyed me! At least tell me how it feels

At least give me the pleasure it was all worth it,

Maybe it was worth the blade,

Maybe worth the tears I shade,

Tell me exactly how it feels to break a kid’s confidence?

Tell me how it feels to embarrass me?

Tell me how it feels to deduce me to nothing?

I am trying to stand strong,

I’ll sing my fight song,

My suffering has been for too long,

It is not a show,

I am your greatest foe,

That I know,

I know you hate me,

But what did I do to you?

You had all the control,

You broke my soul,

I am here,

With a little fear,

I am back in gear,

Be such a dear,

Time has come to ask,

I will not lurk,

Just tell me how it feels.

 

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OF PAEDOPHILIC TEACHERS

Some time, last week I was bored and I had bundles a lot of them if you know me you know where this is heading to; YouTube. I watched my favourite YouTube channels then recommended for you so these people think they know me well and suggest to me a video about someone talking about their paedophilic teacher Jesus Lord! By the end of the video I came to the conclusion that some teachers are just bastards and they need to rot in hell.

Last year, we got a new teacher of French let us call him *Boniface did his parents have to destroy his self-confidence from birth? That name was bad enough to make you want to commit suicide. I never interacted much with him I did not take French but for Year/Class Five pupils it was compulsory I found him weird from day one he wore some skinny, leather pair of  jeans and weird shirt I don’t remember it being some sort of audition for male prostitutes. Don’t even get me started on his walking style, his chest was ever outwards it was like as if he wanted to have boobs or something then he was short actually short is an understatement even a two-month old baby gives him competition in height. His face reminded me about the theory of evolution he is the reason plastic surgeries exist to come think of it I didn’t like the chap from the day my eyes met that horrendous sight. I mean it couldn’t be that bad but I was wrong.

We come back to school in January and bam he just had to show us his personality was more hideous than the face. So this guy started developing feelings for his student he told her she was one sexy girl and touching her hips hold up did his brain disconnect with his head or does he have problems channelling intellect? Has he become so lonely that eleven-year olds appear attractive? Or does he have an empty vacuum instead of a brain? Or did he suffer some sought of head trauma that killed three quarters of his brain cells? One of the reasons I like children is that they report every issue at home or school. This is an eleven or ten-year old pupil you are calling sexy and you are about twenty-nine is it me or you are one sick bastard?

Is it the flat chest that makes you ejaculate or what? Or the tiny bones that give you pleasure when you touch? Really I don’t get it he is suppose to be a teacher I don’t recall there being sex education 101 and it having practicals in our curriculum. They are suppose to be children in Year 5 saying sex was a taboo and this isn’t for male teachers only there are also female teachers doing the same what is cool about having a romantic relationship?

To be honest they are giving stigma to kids way too early. This is a pupil who should trust you and be like a parent to them. You are making this child to become a whore at such young age at least be courteous enough and let the universities spoil our children not you.

AM I THE MOST HATABLE PERSON ALIVE?

It has been so long since I blogged,I have been busy with school and what not…you know the drill with school it saps the life out of you but that is not my point. I was away from school for some while and a new student joined the school and I was told we are so alike except she’s not easy to anger: she has learnt to deal with people’s stupidity. Her name is Ruth. Some say we even look like, pshht  we only have glasses that look a liken apart from that I don’t think we look alike. Don’t get it messed up she is really really pretty and fun but from her I realized how much of a pain in the neck I can be. I have to admit I am pretty narcissistic  and I know the best thing alive at this moment as you read this but narcissism is just confidence taken a notch higher 😆😆😆 let us just believe that. I think I am the most hatable person alive I said think that means you can differ with my ideologies.

1. I always want my way

I always want my way, ALWAYS. This is quite irritating when I look at it at a different perspective I feel at times she should let others have their way the world is not some sort of wish-granting factory. You can’t always have your way. It actually bugs me and I am like can’t she be reasonable and let someone have his/her way

2. I love being right

How is this irritating?  I would do anything to prove I am right and you are wrong some say I have a huge ego but the thing is I think that I am important so I am willing to swallow my ego to just prove how right I am. Don’t get me started on the body language when I am proving a point I will snap my finger and celebrate when I am right, you would think we were arguing It will manage to get on your nerves.

3. I love singing

As much as I wasn’t blessed with a nice voice (I sound worse than a cat that is being dragged into water) any time I am bored you would hear me sing. There was this time when a teacher missed a lesson mark you we got on a lot of people’s nerves Ruth, 4 other classmates of ours were singing from Antidote, Work, What do you mean? Worst behavior and the likes. Ruth and I are music junkies.

4. Competitive nature

I am really competitive I don’t mean those type of competitions that make you wonder if I ever evolved or if I am a Ramapithecus. I will compete and hardly okay. I will even give you a head start then beat you. These are the only things that make me the most hatable person alive. But then again I did realize I am just on my own league I  am a petty good person from my honest and helpful nature so yeah! Lovely week my readers

 

 

VALENTINES

Here we go again, it is Valentines’ day am I excited? If by exciting you mean reading until the weird hours of the night then yes I am really excited. The most I will receive is some chocolate from my mother (I really hate chocolate, I find it repugnant) and some stupid drawing on the blackboard written happy valentines by some random person who had nothing to do if I am unlucky there is some guy who will be hitting on me with cheesy pickup lines that will make me question why on earth did I not stay at home? How did I spend 2015 Valentines? I was sick went to hospital and came back home and slept I must say that was the best Valentine day.

I was reading the papers there was something to do with a whooping 5.4 million shillings for Valentine dinner I can tell you what that can do buying a Toyota VX V8. Ati the food being served there helps in boosting libido sweetie why do you think Viagra was created? If you are single on Valentines I am not going to tell you sorry and sympathise with you because I would also be sympathising with myself and I don’t like self pity, simply do this make yourself a wonderful meal take a relaxing bath, put on a sweatshirt take a blanket and watch TV if you feel lonely just cuddle with the pillow. On the bright side you won’t have to wear some tight fitted cloth and walk in some shoes that don’t fit you and end up looking like you need to pee. Also you won’t have to pretend to have table etiquette i.e. eating chicken with a fork and a knife I will eat the chicken African style with my hands.

Then again isn’t Valentine supposed to be about love? When did the world become so complicated that we compete over who has a better boyfriend/girlfriend or who was taken out on the most expensive dinner. For one to show their love do they have to break a bank? Either way that’s up to you not me as for me this valentines I will be sharing the love with my books.

THE MODERN WOMAN

The society is a very funny place, you know you become what they want but you are never good enough. Society wanted women to have equal rights then it came to pass this is where the modern woman came about but when they had equal rights they said the modern woman was competing with their male counterparts…. very funny thing I tell you. I work an 8 to 5 job, I am a mechatronics engineer. Most of the employees at my workplace are male, we are only two females and being their manager makes me seem unapproachable. I live in Parklands one of the most posh suburbs in Nairobi but then again I work in Parklands; I drive a Mercedes Benz C200 2008. I am only 30.  They say I am trying to compete with my male counterparts but that isn’t the case just because I earn a lot, we have never been equals, NEVER male and female are just different. We can only be treated with equality. All I am trying to do is to provide for myself, my father not only provided what I needed but what I wanted so why should I settle for less? Why should I wait for some guy to pay my bills? Why should I live on a man’s pocket? After all I can make a living for myself. I don’t make money from selling my body that is despicable it is through hard work and sweat.

 

My father didn’t educate me to sit on my brains. A woman should empower and that’s what I am doing. You do not know how heart-breaking it is to see a 14 year old already a mother, this should be a child joining form 1. This should be a child reading. This should be a child not a mother. Some of these teenage pregnancies come from engaging in early sex. The guy will tell you sweet nothings just to get you in bed you which is just demented. I am not trying to say all guys are douchebags because it would be the same as insulting my father. My mother she has an education makes her own money I look up to her, she taught me well.

I wouldn’t necessarily call myself feminist. Whether you earn more than your husband or not treat him with respect. Am I competing with men? Not really, I am competing with myself to become my best. I want my kids to be looking up to me the same way I looked up to my mum. Maybe I am different from the women in the 1950s I guess I am modern woman. After all I don’t practise FGM.

JANUARY: THE MONTH OF EVIL

We’re halfway through January, the month I detest most because I am mostly broke were it not for Safaricom’s brilliant idea of Okoa bundles which basically means borrowing megabytes (mbz) I would be nowhere to be seen on WhatsApp and Instagram. January doesn’t like me that I know so it came up with this evil plan and made sure I was broke the whole month. On January 1st I see people bothering to write resolutions which of course they won’t achieve. I personally gave up on resolutions, I will tell you I have had resolutions in 2014 and 2015 but they didn’t work. Although this year I had a resolution to be better in Swahili, dear reader I suck at Swahili and isn’t exactly my favourite subject or language I have always failed it unless of course I really guessed well during that Kiswahili paper.

I usually hear this statement new year, new me that is simply nonsense. Whenever I hear this statement I will assume you are probably drunk and have no clue what you are saying. By assuming you are drunk, I will forgive the stupidity you just uttered out of your mouth. I am still the same person I was on 31st December, nothing new; same kilos, same sarcasm, same personality just more broke than usual. As much as change inevitable, you can’t tell me you will change just because it is a new year.

I will tell you what I interpret when someone tells me New Year new me it is like you will go back to the womb and be born again and get a new personality. Or you think a magic fairy will come at night wave a wand over your head and you will change, oh come on! Change is a gradual process, that is why when you look at the person you were 2010 and now, there is a huge difference that is because change is a gradual process.

If you disagree with me please do wait for mid this year and tell me if you are completely different than the person you were on 31st December

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DEAR HOT GIRL

My friends and I think you are really ugly, promiscuous and dumb or it is probably that we feel jealous towards you that we say untrue things. Dear hot girl you are giving us headaches and sleepless nights. You are making us waste mbz on Instagram, Twitter and WhatsApp stalking you. Thanks to you we owe Safaricom money, January is the month I am broke and you just had to make me okoa bundles worth 100 shillings. My crush is stalking you, my friends like you a lot. My parents know you and think you are well mannered, they tell me to be like you and be well behaved. Dear hot girl, did you see how I blamed you for the mishaps in my life?

Dear hot girl, why do you have to be so pretty and to make matters worse you actually have brain cells maybe even more than Albert Einstein’s. Your hair is so effortless; I tell you mine is like steel wool I thank my salonist for having the guts to deal with my hair. Dear hot girl, why do you have to have a petite waste? You see I have a potbelly I have to cover it in baggy t-shirts, I like junk food and I eat chilli lemon crisps and lime juice while having a Scream Queens marathon, I don’t like outdoors and exercising. Dear hot girl why do you have to be all-rounded if I didn’t have a good brain, I wouldn’t have a fallback plan, and this is why my crush likes you. You see you are so easy going, no drama no beef no arrogance but oh why dear hot girl. Can’t you just be normal like us? By the way, I saw the picture that you posted of you and your baby sister, why do you have to be good with kids? I am the lastborn babysitting isn’t exactly my thing. You know how they say looks are deceptive and in movies the way the prettiest and most popular girls are really shallow apparently you have a good heart, you are really nice but I wish we could be friends but you are prettier than me.

Dear hot girl, I realised something when writing this, yes you are prettier and smarter, and that is you. I realised despite the steel wool I call hair, my potbelly, distaste for outdoors, I am happy. Let me tell you why; self acceptance is the key to happiness so I have accepted myself despite my flaws. Thank you, dear hot girl.