Dying slowly

Am I fine? Of course I am,

The hours I cried were nine,

I no longer want to dine,

Do you know how it feels to die slowly but painfully?

To be alive yet dead inside,

Slowly I die,

I should give up,

But I am almost through with the final lap,

Like an aphid you sucked the sap,

To this date,

I still wonder,

How you broke me and continued with life,

What you were to me was a lyse,

I sleep really late,

In bed awake wondering if this is my fate,

The past still haunts,

It still daunts,

I never healed,

You never gave me the opportunity to,

You spoke a lot of things,

It affected me,

These days I go for counseling,

These days I go for psychotherapy,

These days I take anti-depressants,

You never knew?

You never really knew?

You called me the worst of names,

And you expect me to feel the same?

What was your aim?

Now I am dying slowly,

If it was your aim, you achieved it,

Your insults were lit,

In bed I sit,

My wrists I slit,

I throw a fit,

I break down,

I have a frown,

What is the point of living?

I am dying slowly,

I wish nothing but this for you,

The pain,

So that it cam drive you insane,

So that you can feel these emotions,

So that you can go into depression,

So that you can know how it feels to be dying slowly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Motherland-Kenya 

Hello guys! I’m here to talk about my beautiful motherland, my country- the 254, Kenya. After the general elections on 8th August 2017 it got me thinking about my country, the beauty of it and what I love about Kenya. What I love most about Kenya is the diversity so this is a country where we have 43 tribes- those are 43 unique languages, cultures and heritages and none of them is superior to the other. It takes me back to 12th December 1963, when we were given independence we all know about the struggle for independence for us to be a sovereign state I don’t think tribe mattered at that time all we knew is that we wanted independence.I don’t think I’m able to list all the tribes but it’s cool. Kenya is so diverse everywhere I go I see the beauty in Kenya, take me to Nairobi I’ll show you the beauty. Let your mind travel with me.

My father calls it the city of many lights. Living in Nairobi is a hustle that I must admit, here we have ambitious people who came from the rural areas to chase their dreams, not scared of the mockery, not afraid of failure. We have the extremely rich and the extremely poor, everyone just trying to put food on the table. The crazy traffic, many working hours, raves and anything and everything you can imagine.This city is never asleep, Nairobi is just diverse and beautiful so one day I’ll come here and chase all my dreams, make money and live a luxurious life. 

Sail your mind to Kisumu city , Kisumu dalla the Lakeside City  here we say Kisumu ber meaning Kisumu is good. Well this is my home I live here and I have never fallen in love with a place this much . What I love most is the people, you see the main inhabitants of the place are Luos and they are quite hospitable although they can be a bit rough when pushed to the wall,I love the pride they have in their culture and themselves you’ll never hear a Luo say he is broke he is going through financial challenges they  say daktar (doctor) they allegedly preserve the i for iPhones and iPads, they don’t call people househelps they are domestic affairs managers, ne bii Kisumu (Come to Kisumu). The food is wonderful here the common food is mostly fish( rech)and ugali(kuon) , I love the sunsets from Lake Victoria they are breathetaking. Life here couldn’t be any better. So travel with me to Naxvegas or Nakuru  

Welcome to Nakuru also known as Naxvegas imagine the Kenyan version of Las Vegas yeah we got you here in Nakuru. Think business, entrepreneurship, money. Think of exclusive parties,clubbing and raves, we are talking about casinos, parties and things I shall not mention on my blog.If you’re not about the life of the night we have Lake Nakuru National Park, home to the flamingos, it’s so peaceful. It gives you time to reflect on life and be peace with yourselfmost relaxing place I’ve ever been to though I prefer Naivasha. The people here are fantastic, so caring and loving. Nakuru is my second home. Saisere (goodbye)

Let’s go to coast people, Mombasa

 Wagwan guys, I simply love Mombasa here I’m one with the ocean as its waves speak to me. The beach is full of people who remember they only live once, here the people radiate good vibes as I take a walk along the beaches all I want to do is eat some yummy Mahamris as I try to speak some Swahili. I want to go to Fort Jesus and know about our ancestors, for me to feel as one with them. I want to go sky diving, I feel so much at peace here. Mombasa I’m coming back for you, you taught me how to live, love and laugh. Shukran (thanks)

My people let’s go to the highlands, of course we are going to Murang’a where my life all started best 3 years of my life. Niatia, wi mwega?( Hi, how are you?) I don’t seem like a farm girl but you know what I love tea and you know where tea comes from the farms. Sometimes I just want to be in contact with nature and do something to preserve nature and well farming that’s my answer. Take me back to Muranga the origin of my accent, my beginnings, my roots. I love this place I don’t know about you but I’m in love with the people, the culture and the food. Bring me some mukimo and githeri. Another thing I love about these people is how highly they think of their women, to my people there ningwendete!(I love you )

I wish I could talk about everything I love about Kenya but I would be writing a book. In conclusion there’s so much beauty in Kenya it’s a matter of what you decide to see. Tribalism is sickening, our cultures are different let’s embrace that so are our languages and heritages but you decide whether this will segregate us or bring us together, believe me or not it’s on you. I say no tribalism, we are one. If you read in history our differences arise from our origin.

Kenya is my motherland, this is where I’ve grown up and spent most of my life and I love this place. Proudly Kenyan 🇰🇪🇰🇪🇰🇪🇰🇪

~Abiero Michelle~

BEAUTY QUEEN 

Hey guys it has been eons since I wrote this is because majorly I did not want to deliver something that was not of my usual standards or at par with what you expected. So this year has been a year of changes, a lot of them for starters I joined high school and it’s extremely different from middle school and whoever told you high school is fun kind of sugar coated the truth, no we don’t go funkies all the time and whenever you go to another school sweetheart it’s mostly Maths contest or Chemistry contest something of the sort so please if you haven’t joined high school and you’re joining soon please make use of your brain cells. I also thought we would form some sort of  bond with my classmates and I realized I do miss my best friends and if you’re reading this I really miss you except one who I see everyday in school but I still love you.

Now one thing I met in high school were cliques/sororities/ squads whatever you want to call them, I really do hate them and they tend to have a leader, cliques are one of the most dumbest things to do in high school well apart from taking Music thinking you’ll be asked to name two of Beyoncé’s albums or two tracks in the album Humble or quote a line from the song Hymn for the Weekend by Beyoncé and Coldplay and all you’ll be doing in class is singing no it doesn’t work like that, so back to the leader of the clique no offense actually all offense meant  the rest of the clique are like puppets with no brains and their lives revolve around the leader. So the leader is Beauty Queen she’s usually well known, mean, beautiful and also dumb she mostly supports the theory “Beauty with no brains” I’m not trying to see all Beauty Queens are dumb or something but then again it doesn’t have to be academically.

So I met Beauty Queen at the canteen  I hear she has all the boys’ attention in school so humble me a mere newcomer and a junior I stepped on her accidentally . Prophet Mohamed of Mecca! You might have thought I had burnt the girl with sulphuric acid yani she’s just there shouting and screaming I apologize but no the girl wanted me to lick her.  Girl did you forget your common sense somewhere ? I let the story slide. Second encounter with her dammit, I preferred Hitler to her  I see walking shaking her non existent hips next to senior boys and all over the pillars like it’s a strip club instead of reading Memories We Lost (the setbook that will screw many of us between 2018 to 2020) but it’s okay.


So we wonder what’s my problem with Beauty Queen ? She thinks the world revolves around her no darling you’re not the sun, so relax. What I dislike most about you is that you take pride in humiliating others, you like making others feel small it makes you pathetic but I’m aesthetic. I’m sure you got skeletons in your closet, some of the people you know are such professional stalkers that they should be working with FBI so if you see a couple of things on Instagram that you didn’t want to be known look for them. So I’m not pretty like you, and probably someone looks like something that you’d draw with your left hand with eyes closed when high don’t point it out, it’s not like we mention that your personality is more plastic than Kim Kardashian. You’re so superficial, with the fake laugh and accent with a fake lifestyle. Try reminding yourself the last time you were real with yourself. You’re so wicked that you might get Lucifer sacked no seriously you are, he sits down taking notes from your actions.

I am so sure we know a Beauty Queen in our lives, generally they are all irritating. But they say we have to have tolerance with others. Cheers to Beauty Queen we are all gathered here ranting about you feel free to start using quotes like “Haters make me famous” or “Haters gonna hate”. Bye my lovelies 

STAY STRONG AND BE BRAVE

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tumblr_static_tumblr_static_filename_640     Hey Lovelies, I am so sorry I haven’t posted anything since December but I actually have a genuine reason pardon reasons why I haven’t been active. I started this ambiguous project, it is a bit tasking but that is what I like about it I am not yet a pro at it but practice makes perfect, I started a YouTube channel, so far I have 20 subscribers and my first video has over 100 views thanks for the immense support. If you haven’t checked out my YouTube channel, please do at Mich Abiero or http://youtube.com/channel/UCGpZbDMx0gjcR5jHeeacgrg . In Business Studies this is called product promotion. So let us communicate with our friends and send the word out. Second reason I am in a boarding high school, don’t even dream that we are allowed with electronics. I am still doing 12 subjects until next year, my plate is pretty full
2017 is finally here with us, actually four months into 2017,this year is flying. I have been awaiting this year like crazy I was joining a new school majorly, I had countdowns to this year. No lie 2016 was horrendous, it was torturing. Brother, that year did things to me and I am glad I am through with that year, Lord knows how many times I wish I could skip that year, that year was the devil in a different form. I am partially surprised I made it. Well 2017 for me is a year of new chapters but they say you cant open a new chapter if you keep on re-reading the previous chapter which brings me to my topic of today. Every time you look at another person’s life we envy them because we think they have everything going for them from academics to their social lives and no they are pretty/handsome and actually have a personality a nice one for that matter which makes you question which ‘juju’ (witchcraft) is this they use. Some of these people are literally flawless (utter nonsense no one is perfect**inner voice**). But has it ever occurred to you, we all have flaws, we have all fought battles in our lives, that we have all undergone things that were so difficult and awful but we are here one way or another so let me ask you what kept you together during those rough patches in life ? Was it hope, strength, God, the warrior spirit in you? For me it was a blend of all. There were days I was at the verge of giving up but I am HERE.
My message is be strong, be fearless, be you. Let no one ever tell you cant do something that is a word that doesn’t exist in my vocabulary, shoot for the moon if you don’t land there you will land among the stars, that is my motto in my life . Chase your dream no matter how crazy and stupid they sound. I cant believe I am 15 and have my own blog and the only way is up. One of my favorite songs is Paradise by Coldplay this songs means the world to me they say ” I know the sun was set to rise” this means that no matter what it will come to an end sometimes the journey gets so tough that we don’t want to continue. Life is a rollercoaster one minute you are up the other you are down it is life. The thing is at whichever moment you are in life make the best out of it. Believe it or not I started my blog when I had hit rock bottom I felt hopeless so make the best out of every situation. These awful situations were intended to make you better not bitter. Suicide is never the solution and I totally support the semi colon project, a semi colon is used when a writer could have chose to end a sentence but continued with it, for all those battling depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts. Don’t stop be brave and stay strong                    Image result for semicolon tattoo

SELF ABSORBED

Hello folks, for the first time in eons I’m going to write something meaningful,something inspirational. I have been contemplating whether to do this post or not but then after someone bashed my   blog and YouTube channel I decided I will do this post.  I shall also explain why I haven’t been active as much.

It all began in 2014, the year  that I, Michelle Abiero, decided  I wanted to change my looks. You know that annoying devil in your head that tells you to try things you’ll regret.  I shaved my hair, acne decided that it will start  a love affair with my face, you could draw the map of Africa using my pimples.  My lips obey the law of gravity, you know the force that pulls object towards the center of the earth,my lips sag like crazy. For that I earned the nickname Fish lips, my two upper teeth obey the law of like forces repel. My body obeys one too many laws. So I had low self esteem because some people told me I was ugly due to the acne, short hair the list is endless. Then my hair grew, my friend it looked like I got into a fight with a racoon and got electrocuted my hair is always a mess. That same year I was a prefect which was ironic, to teachers I was bad news. I would always be on the noisemakers list even when I absent, those prefects were on ecstasy I swear how could they hear my voice from the hospital or home? As they say bangi ni mbaya(weed is bad). Let’s just say in 2014, I hated myself especially my looks and my personality because some a**hole in the name of a teacher said nasty things about me, I was even rumored to be lesbian, rude and arrogant and I felt he was right.   I was suicidal I failed to appreciate myself.  I had toxic friends the ones that pretty much could  make it to the cast of Mean Girls, I hate cliques you loose your personality to fit in. It was pretentious, I couldn’t fit in, they wanted light skinned girls with smooth faces, dimples and beauty spots , long hair and huge buttocks. Don’t even get me started on my accent many would make fun of how I pronounced my words, Oxford Dictionary says I was right but who cared?  They said I was twanging. I felt like an outcast, I withdrew socially to focus on  myself I tried every product to remove my acne,I tried to change my accent and my personality. But Habit is second to nature

imageNow you are probably wondering how on earth is this relevant? I preach the idea of self absorption aka self love. When you look at yourself in the mirror what do you see? Whenever I tell someone I once had low self esteem they laugh it off, most think I love myself way too much. Everyday when I get up I look at myself and appreciate my beauty inside and out, so love yourself no one is perfect as cliche as it sounds no one will ever be perfect. We all have weaknesses  and strengths the question is will you focus on your strengths or weaknesses? Focus on the positives do you remember who you were before they told you? I’ll admit if I could marry myself I would who’s perfect? I love the steel wool I have instead of hair, I love my face with acne, I don’t have a flat stomach, I have a bad temper ,lash tongue amd swings . I  hate  the constant trips to hospital but I’m so much in love with my life. For once look at yourself and appreciate your strengths, your imperfections. Be self absorbed , sweetie if you get the chance to do what makes you happy do it. #selfabsorbed

I haven’t been able to upload items I have been so busy, if you follow me on Instagram you are aware I’m in India, I’ll try to upload at least twice a week. If you like my post please  share follow my blog and comment

AM I IN A RELATIONSHIP?

There is one question that ticks me off, it makes me feel like my tummy is burning,it feels me up with rage.  Whenever someone asks me this question I forgive your ignorance and stupidity,  I forgive you because my religion taught me so. Jesus said, “forgive them father for they do not know what they are doing.” That’s what I do. Many people like asking me why  I am not in a relationship and I have an answer a long one for that matter.

So some days back someone direct messaged me on Instagram, I responded, kumbe I had just dug a pit that I would enter . His English was so broken I felt bad for his teacher of English, you spend  your precious time to teach someone and they end up massacring the language . If it were my teacher she would have slapped the daylight into him, in fact her insults were worse. So this guy asks me my age I tell him, hell yes! I’m 14. Sadly for me he was 15.

I am using his exact words

Him: Have you got a boyfriend?

Me: No

Him: Why?

These days people need to give a reason why they aren’t in a relationship,eh? What on earth do you mean I have to give a reason? Then some have the guts to tell me ‘I should be the one’. Please no,you are giving me a migraine. I’m not searching for anyone, I am fine being single, if I need anyone to talk to I have my mother if I want someone to take me out there’s my dad, if I want someone to cuddle with I have my best friend we’ll talk about our issues and cry our eyes out. I’m not pulling the ‘I-don’t-need-a-guy’ card, I just don’t want to be in a relationship

Here is why

Teenage relationships are nothing but a waste of time, I said it. The truth is a bitter pill to swallow. Especially your first love, it will be like Justin Beiber and Selena Gomez all over again. I am not psychologically prepared for that. No I refuse, then when you break up you post mean stuff about each other on Instagram kwanza those people you make my feed lit💥

I don’t like the idea that I have to text you at least everyday . I have ever snobbed 30 chats I’m selfish in nature. I am currently snobbing 5 chats, it depends on my moods. I am a very moody person, we all know that by now. I’m not a brat in any way I’m just an introverted extrovert. I am not ready for commitments. Then some already calling themselves Ian’s, David’s etc. I am God’s child

Thirdly,there are these idiots always asking you to prove you love them. I am not ready to go home pregnant neither is my mother ready to be called ‘shosh’ or grandma. Nigger no! You are the work of lucifer/ the devil.

 

Fourth but not least, I am currently focused on my books. Yes I am team nerd, books are bae I am obsessed with education.I’d like to be a pediatric neurologist. I want to go to the university not just any  but  the University of Manchester. I am a girl with too much ambition which is good. This is probably the results of listening to Beyoncè and Chimamanda Ngozi. Until next time, bye friends✌🏾

Whitworth Hall, University of Manchesterimage